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Most adults have exactly two places in their life: work and home.
That's it. Two spaces. Two sets of expectations. Two masks to wear.
And we wonder why we're exhausted.
Last weekend, I hosted 42 indie hackers, creators, and solopreneurs in Lonavala for what we call the Roach Mafia Retreat. For three days, we did something radical - we created a third space where nobody expected anything from anyone.
The Realization That Changed Everything
When I quit my job 4 years ago, I thought I was escaping the corporate world. What I didn't realize was that I was also escaping something else - the ability to make new friends.
Think about it. When was the last time you made a genuine friend? Not a colleague. Not a networking contact. A real friend.
For most of us, friendship-making stopped after college. We go to work, we come home. Work, home. Work, home. The cycle continues until we forget there could be anything else.
At work, relationships are transactional. The dynamic is very tense and stressful and overloaded. It's very hard to make true friends, like make genuine friends from work colleagues.
But what if there was another way?
Why We Call Ourselves Cockroaches (And Why That's Beautiful)
The name "Roach Mafia" comes from the word cockroach.
We're not unicorns - those mythical creatures that VCs dream about. We're not dinosaurs - too big to pivot, one meteor strike away from extinction.
We're cockroaches. Real. Resilient. Unglamorous.
We will survive a nuclear holocaust. We will survive a meteor strike. We will figure out a way to survive no matter what, no matter which situation we are in. And no matter if the economy changes, the markets change, we will pivot accordingly, we will be flexible.
Among our 42 members:
- People who quit their jobs, started a business, did not work out, went back to a job, and now doing it on the side
- Others who started their thing on the side, it did so well they ended up quitting their jobs
- Some who just quit cold and went all in and benefited from that
There's no one clear path to success. There's no one clear path to live the life you want to live. What matters is the spirit of being a roach - the persistence, grit, and tenacity.
The Pablo Picasso Principle
Picasso had this great quote: When art critics meet, they talk about form, and structure, and style, and the theories of art. But when great artists meet, they just talk about where to get cheap turpentine.
This became our operating principle.
We don't need to talk about fluff and theories. We're not here to one-up on each other or play status games with each other. We are here to honestly share what's working, what's not working, and how to think about life, how to think about our businesses, and how to grow our businesses.
We shared cheap turpentine with each other. People actually sharing tactical stuff that they have done in their business and how they can grow, what they have learned, the failures that they've had, the mistakes that they've made, and the lessons that they've learned.
Real talk. Real problems. Real solutions.
The Unexpected Magic of Being Silly
Here's something I didn't expect: We laughed. Really laughed. We laughed out loud after years, after a long time.
In a regular life, there's just not as much space for laughter that's left.
In our third space, we could make mistakes and we knew that we won't be judged. We could be stupid, we could be silly and it was okay to be silly.
And in that silliness, something profound happened. The masks came off.
Building Something Bigger Than Business
One of the the biggest (and proudest) achievements of my life, I can say, is that I've been able to create a group with so much love and care and attention and unconditional support to each other.
Because here's what I learned: When you bring good people together, good things happen.
You cannot plan the good things that happen. But they just happen spontaneously. They emerge. It's an emergent phenomenon.
I handpicked every single person who attended. I knew who it was and I could understand where they were coming from. I said no to many who wanted to join. Instead of like a traditional conference or a mastermind, this one had people who had the freedom to be themselves.
The vibe of the group is amazing. I absolutely love the unconditional and selfless nature that has been created.
The Third Space You Need
Everyone has the two main spaces in their life which is their work and their home. They have work colleagues and they have family and friends at home. But they only switch between these two spaces throughout their lives and it can get strenuous and stressful.
Both of these spaces have some high expectations from people. They have to live up to these expectations consistently.
I think everyone needs a third space where they can just go and just be, where nobody is expecting anything from them. Nobody is expecting and everyone is accepting.
This is a space where:
- We have the freedom to be ourselves
- We have the freedom to fail
- We have the freedom to laugh and cry and not be judged by anyone
- We don't have any expectations from anyone
This isn't just nice to have. It's crucial.
Highlights from the Meetup
